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The demise (forthcoming) of the Final Fantasy series.

The Golden Era: FFVIII

• Cool, memorable characters
• Great storyline
• Actually useful GF’s
• Good protagonist dialogue (or lack thereof)

The Collapse: FFIX

• Monkey-like, utterly unadorable protagonist
• Short, pseudo-kiddy Barbie-pixels characters
• Ugly, unattractive heroine
• What was the story about again?
• Lame weapon names eg "Butterfly"

Resurfacing: FFX

• OK protagonist (obviously the fashion sense has plummeted)
• Good supporting cast (excl. Rikku)
• One of the best heroine-female-extraordinaire in series
• GF/Aeon STILL the battle backbone
• Great storyline
• Interesting sidequests

The Dip: FFX-2

• Sadistic game turned best heroine-female-extraordinaire in series into a bag of dog waste
• Rikku not eradicated along with FFX; returns with shrill haunting voice
• Third tomboy sidekick not as Paineful as (s)he seemed, bad hairstyle
• Utterly ridiculous battle system: Barbie and Ken clothe-swapping galore
• Ugly, uninteresting, draggy clothe-swapping galore animations
• Couldn’t get past the first hour of the game

Untimely destruction: FFXII

• Developers ran out of ideas; protagonist was under aged, slept in the sewers, was nil in terms of hairstyle and fashion sense, had knack for retarded dialogue; to sum it all up - "douche bag" (first hopes for romance dashed)
• First supporting character Penelo: even worse fashion sense, useless, errand-girl
• Story’s super-hot female extraordinaire much older than Mr Protagonist (read: no romance)
• Story’s super-hot female extraordinaire too hot for Mr Protagonist (read: no romance)
• Story’s protagonist yet to reach puberty (read: no romance)
• Story’s protagonist hadn’t taken a bath for years (read: no romance)
• Story’s protagonist ran errands for a dumb Star Wars monster (read: no romance)
• Story’s protagonist was able to immitate Tidus the Character Who Is Twenty Thousand Times Cooler’s fashion sense (read: no romance),
• but failed to mimic the personality of Tidus the Character Who Is Twenty Thousand Times Cooler (read: no romance)
• Tidus cooler ONLY relatively to protagonist. Even so, protagonist an astonishingly horrendous twenty thousand times worse than Tidus (read: no romance)
• Story’s protagonist more interested in stealing things (read: no romance)
• Story’s protagonist more interested in playing catch, hide-and-seek with Penelo the Errand Girl Without Any Fashion Sense (read: no romance)
• GF/Summonings a big joke
• Weather system more chore than charm
• Monotonous character growth meant Big Barbaric Basch could be Little Suzy the Healer and Penelo the Kid could be Xena/Hagar/Conan the Princess Warrior High On Steroids
• Ludicrous sidequest: Boss with 50 million HP
• Irritating, ugly, dumb protagonist
• Irritating, ugly, dumb protagonist
• Irritating, ugly, dumb protagonist
• Irritating, ugly, dumb protagonist
• Irritating, ugly, dumb protagonist
• Irritating, ugly, dumb protagonist

Ugh…

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 4th, 2007 at 4:50 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.