It really surprises me the sheer amount of brocklesnars that litter this earth (In case you didn’t know, brocklesnar is the first retard in history to join the WWE). I mean, they’re everywhere. And they don’t happen to like to gather around the most convenient places for the rest of us- for example near rubbish dumps, sewers, in the mountains, or even in the desert for that matter. They happen to love to congregrate in large numbers in the places that we frequent the most. Let’s take my experience in the Monash library recently.
So there. Monash library. Being a first-timer there, I was pleasantly surprised when I first stepped into the library- air conditioning that works, computers, large collection of books, properly labelled and sorted. It impressed me further that there was a quiet area which made up the main area, soft cushioned chairs and all. And the tables even had little ‘cabinets’ on top of them, providing a little bit of privacy in case you have bad sleeping habits (for example the Saliva Donor Syndrome). There was also a discussion area, a small partitioned space separated from the main area. Cool, so that’s where noisy people will go, you thought it out pretty well man, Monash admins!
Wrong.
So I made myself comfortable at one of the tables, arranging my books on the table. No sooner had I opened my accounting textbook, a handphone rang. I remember the tone being that lame mandarin Tong Hua nursery rhyme. Ok, fine, so he forgot to set it to silent. But no! He picked up his phone with a booming "Ha mi su?" which essentially means "What?". Oblivious to the 300 pairs of eyes glaring at him, he proceeded on, chitter-chatterhahahehehe-oook-oook-oook-mooooooooooo before finally putting down the phone. So life became peaceful again, and everyone was happy and contented.
Ancora Imparo - "I am still learning".
Sounds familiar? Well, that is Monash’s motto. Everyone’s still learning, and some people seem to be at a much slower pace than the rest of us. No, I don’t mean ’special’ people- they’re special for a reason. What I’m talking about is completely normal people just like you and me (well, at least from outward appearance), good-looking, 20+ young adults who don’t have a single hint that being in the library means you have to just shut up. Now, I’m not implying those that have totally urgent matters to discuss about, ie their projects, and do so in very hushed whispers. Disturbing, but we can make room for that.
So, yes- I was unfortunate enough to meet a whole family of them that day. I had a bad hunch when I saw them coming in a group. A large group for that matter. The goofy grin carved on their faces caused cold droplets of perspire to form on my forehead, and my hunch was confirmed when they started giggling at the sweet wrapper someone had strategically placed on the floor. So there you have it, university students, shoving and pushing each other, then giggling like 14-year old girls (Soprano Eb "hehehehehe"). Out of a sudden they would be very silent, and then in a split second, become hysterical with not-so-muffled silent guffaws. Noticing that they had everybody’s attention, they would proceed with the ever so infamous "Shhhhhhh….." complete with a finger on their lips; some would pinch their lips as if they could not control its opening and closing (understandably, they lack the intelligence to control it). Then, unable to contain their laughter, they would break out into another round of silent guffaws, hands slapping thighs and all (they should try slapping each others’ faces. That’d complete the whole ‘red with laughter’ image, literally). Then, when they were finally done with their act, and starting to calm down a bit to catch their breath and all, someone would spot another Hacks wrapper on the floor, point at it and start the chain all over again. And one more thing I noticed, they were also frequently punching and shoving at each other. I mean, when you punch people you expect it to hurt, right? So why not just give one nice shot on the balls instead and get it over with, instead of giving sissy featherweight punches that can’t even kill a dying ant? And the little i-push-you, you-push-me’s. Oh my gosh. Are you little babies or what? When you push him, MEAN it! Give him a nice shove down to level 2. Or better still, out of the windows! What’s with all these little giggly cute-cute kiddie shoves anyway?
I actually have an idea that may provide some remedy to this. First, there should be a special section set up right outside the entrance, with the sign "Things To Laugh At". Beneath that sign will be an assortment of laughter-inducing agents, for example, a collection of dustbin lids of various colours and sizes (to cater to every individual’s personal needs), brooms, neckties, sheets of A4 paper and yes, candy wrappers. Lots of them. And next to that area there should be a very deep hole which should be connected to the drainage network. Laughers who die laughing will be conveniently thrown dumped placed inside it and loved ones can retrieve their remains at the nearest drain. Also, beneath the Quiet Area sign, there should be a list of extra rules to follow, for example "No lame ring tones" and "No farting". Or "No laughing at the doorknob beyond this point".
So, God bless these afflicted souls. Ancora Imparo!
